By Rachel Muhl

Divorce is a painful process. As grandparents of children who may be caught in the middle, it can be difficult to know how to offer support as their family begins to create two homes from one. By keeping a few key principles in mind, you can become a source of strength during a time of uncertainty.

Be Present: Your grandchildren will need the reassurance of close relationships with each parent and with extended family, so continue to spend as much time as possible with them.

Setting aside your personal feelings may be difficult but keeping the peace with your child’s past partner may help lower tensions and allow you to better coordinate time to see your grandchildren.

Try to be flexible with holiday plans, as they may look different. For most children, it is not the date of celebrations that matter, but the experience of those celebrations. Do your part to make special occasions memorable and enjoyable, regardless of when these events occur.

Be a Place of Peace: Many children are exposed to parental conflict during divorce. When your grandchildren are with you, try to provide them with a calm environment that is free from chaos or conflict. Allow your grandchildren to freely share their thoughts and feelings but try not to pry. If your grandchildren want to talk about the situation, offer comfort and support, but do not take sides.

Never disparage either parent in the presence of your grandchildren. It is essential to give the appearance of neutrality to your grandchildren. Be your grandchildren’s biggest supporter by encouraging them to have healthy relationships with both parents.

Promote Healing: Reassure your grandchildren that the divorce is not their fault in any way, and they will continue to be loved and cherished by both parents. Encourage cooperation between your child and their past partner.

Parental conflict is known to increase the risk of substance use, teen pregnancy, juvenile delinquency and mental health issues. When co-parents shield their children from conflict, those risks are greatly diminished.

Suggest professional supports such as therapy, coaching or support groups, when appropriate. Keep in mind that decisions about professional services are parental decisions and be prepared to take “no” for an answer.

The restructuring of your grandchildren’s home may be challenging, but it is not insurmountable.

Grandparents, while not the primary decision-makers, have an opportunity to ease this transition in a supporting role. Through reassurance and love, grandparents can be instrumental in helping children move through this challenging life experience with a sense of hope and optimism.

If you know someone going through a divorce and are interested in additional mental health resources, we have two family education coordinators who can provide resources at 913-715-7880.

Rachel Muhl is a family education coordinator at the Johnson County Mental Health Center.